//I should probably just delete this blog
since the whole reason I made it
is basically gone
xD
WHERE I SAID I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU LITTLE SKANK
Laiz and deceeeet, Todd. Laiz and deceeeeet.
Did you really…
Get over yourself
Yeah
Tt. Would you be able to get over yourself if you were this awesome?
I just get… possessive of you. Call it a character flaw.
Work. Life. All that. Probably won’t be on again today.
Sorry.
Love you all.
WHERE I SAID I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU LITTLE SKANK
Laiz and deceeeet, Todd. Laiz and deceeeeet.
Did you really…
When your not-boyfriend is kind-of flirting with another version of you.
Fine. You just do what you want.
I’m going to go have sex with Iris.
Movement stopped and fingers laid idle in the damp hollow of Damian’s back. Distantly, he put an arm around the younger, his shaking shoulder blades pressing into Jason’s wrist. Something still gurgled in the back of Jason’s brain: the numb, toneless sound of loss hanging around the room like a storm cloud he couldn’t outrun. Little, unfamiliar sobs that he’d never heard before were being muffled there in his chest and no words came to him, save for “stupid.”
He’d always been stupid. Everyone said so and Jason knew it. He knew his empty, trusting brain had gone diving into death with open arms. Knew that hardly anyone would join his quest to change the way the villains were dealt with and that doubtlessly, he’d believed for a second; one ridiculous, breathless, stupid second, he’d believed that this could happen. That he could be…not even happy, just in goddamned peace. But that had never been his luck. Always second. Never first. And he wondered dully, fingers tracing Damian’s spine, if he was giving up too easily despite that so-called wild temper of his. If he had gotten so used to being denied that which he wanted that he wasn’t fighting anymore. Or if it was really something to be fought in the first place.
The silence between the two of them was usually comfortable. It was usually just a testament to the fact that rarely did the two have anything to say, other than teasing and the occasional empty word. But right now, it was deafening. Right now, it was pounding in Damian’s skull, forcing out more tears. He wanted to pull all of that wretched liquid back inside of him, wanted to seem like none of this mattered.
The truth was, he was even sure why it did matter so much. It was just Jason. He was just on the verge of losing Jason. How many times had he lost? He had never shed tears any of those times. Over was over, there was no sense mourning it like some petulant child. But he found himself clinging to the older male, fingers moving hopelessly slow, as though if he just kept a hold on Jason…if he just kept him close…
“I lied.” His voice was hoarse, and he wasn’t sure why. He had to stop to swallow, to breathe. ”…I. I can’t just leave your apartment. And if you ever try to get a new one, I’d hunt you down. And those clothes will never stop smelling like nicotine. And no matter how hard I scrub, I’m never going to be able to get the smell of Jason Todd off of me. And.” He stopped, staring passed Jason for a moment, not able to look at him. He was speaking on auto-pilot, not sure where all these words were coming from. ”And more importantly, I don’t want to. I won’t. If you try to leave me…” his breath hitched, and he pulled Jason into a kiss, his lips tasting impossibly perfect. It lasted only a moment before Damian pulled back, but he’d tried. Tried so hard to put a world of emotion in that kiss. The world of emotions that he couldn’t speak. He had never learned how to convey his feelings…but…
“…I won’t let you. Because it’s not what either of us wants. And I’m not giving up the first person I’ve ever given a shit about.”
thesecondrobin replied to your audio post
//wtf you’re ONNNN
//It’s waaay too early for me to exist, but I have somewhere to be in like a half an hour. So I figured I’d get on and reply to our supreme feelings this fine morning. xD
Eyes pricked with tears, Jason forced Damian up to yank his shirt from his body and rushed to dig his fingers deep into the other’s back. He traced his body not unlike the way his nails once scratched at a cement floor, eyes void of hope; of fear. Just empty, heavy loss. It yanked on his heart, pulling it down into his stomach and forced sobs to catch in his throat.He wanted to think that he was distancing himself from the younger man, the way he always did when it came to sex.
Sex was a device. A way to feel good. Nothing more. It was breathless and tight; the thoughtless pleasure of it all meaningless despite the sweet nothings and satisfaction it incurred. It was just sex. Just sex. That was trouble of it all. Had that ever been what this was? He couldn’t remember. Despite his hands fumbling with the button on Damian’s jeans, he couldn’t just let this be about contact anymore. He kept ending up back in his head, the way he often did with Damian. Brain alight with the sentiments he’d just been trying to convey; his normally nimble fingers caught and tripped over themselves in his rush. His actions slowed and he kissed Damian deep, praying he’d get lost there and never have to think again.
It didn’t take long for there to be absolutely no shirts between the two of them. Didn’t take him long to run his fingers up the other’s spine, over his shoulder blades, finally finding Jason’s head. Tangling into his hair as though holding and tugging at it would answer all of his problems. And maybe it would. He didn’t know anymore. He didn’t know anything and perhaps that was why he was so afraid. Confident, self-assured Damian Wayne was completely vexed by this entire situation. Completely frustrated. Completely hopeless.
Jason’s presence, as it always had, made everything feel perfect…even though their current situation also made everything feel ruined. He wasn’t sure if he should be mourning the loss of whatever this relationship had been, or rejoicing that it seemed to still be alive between them. He wasn’t sure if he should be giving into Jason’s touches, or pulling back. And so he simply reacted, letting the hand that wasn’t preoccupied with Jason’s hair move to the older male’s hips.
But that kiss. For some reason, instead of feeding the fire in Damian’s stomach, made his heart slow down. The hand that had been holding onto Jason’s hip moved instead to Jason’s cheek. His thumb brushed and the other’s skin, every muscle in his body relaxing, that driving want to have Jason’s skin against his ebbing somehow, giving way to something a little more gentle…
…and even though he was trying his hardest to keep them inside, he couldn’t hold his tears back any more.
